Gossip may be defined as any form of communication that harms another. It can ruin lives, assassinate reputations, split families, alienate friends and destroy businesses. On the other hand, a gossip-free environment leads to peaceful lives, healthier relationships, and overall prosperity. Yes, the gift of speech is a marvelous one, depending upon how it is used. Would you like your words to soothe instead of sting? Heal instead of hurt? And build instead of burn?
Following these ten pathways will help:
1. Speak No Evil. Say only positive statements. Let words of kindness be on your tongue. This means to respond instead of react. And, even, to edit your speech before you speak.
2. Hear No Evil. Refuse to listen to gossip, slander and other negative forms of speech. Hint: If avoiding the conversation is impossible, have another topic of “positive” interest you can quickly bring up in order to change the subject.
3. Don’t Rationalize Destructive Speech. Excuses like “But it’s true” or “I’m only joking” or “I can tell my spouse anything” just don’t cut it. Gossip is gossip, anyway you cut it. Besides, the fact that it is true is what qualifies it as gossip. If it were not true, it would be libel or slander.
4. See No Evil. Judge people favorably, the way you would want them to judge you. If you’ve ever been accused of doing something for which you know you were innocent, then you know how it feels to be misjudged. Remember, if you weren’t there, you don’t know. And, even if you were, you may have missed what actually happened in context.
5. Beware of Speaking Evil Without Saying An Evil Word. Body language, and even positive speech, can bring tremendous destruction. Yes, telling someone you know takes advantage of others’ kindness that a particular
person will give you “the shirt off his back,” although it seems like positive speech, is not an act of kindness.
6. Be Humble; Avoid Arrogance. These will be your greatest weapons against destructive speech. As Rabbi Noah Weinberg teaches, “Take pleasure in your accomplishments, not pride.”
7. Beware Of Repeating Information. Loose lips sink ships. Even positive information needs permission before being repeated. Telling someone who’s out of a job that your mutual friend, Julie, got a raise, does not constitute proper speech.
8. Honesty Really Is The Best Policy—Most of the Time. Be careful to always tell the truth unless it will hurt others, break your own privacy or publicize your accomplishments. Strive for honesty in everything you do. But if it’s between honesty and unnecessarily hurting another’s feelings, it’s better not to be so truthful. Those who boast about being “brutally honest” are usually more brutal than honest.
9. Learn to Say, “I’m Sorry.” Everyone makes mistakes. If you’ve spoken badly about someone, clear it up immediately. It might be embarrassing, but get it over with quickly. Apologize, ask for forgiveness, and let him or her know it won’t happen again.
10. Forgive. If you have been wronged, let it go. Forgive for your sake, if not for theirs. Those who can forgive live healthier, happier, and less stressful lives. Those who say they’ll forgive but not forget are actually saying that they’ll neither forgive nor forget. Try this for the next month. The good news is, if you slip up now and then, it only means you are human. Try again. I congratulate you simply for making the effort.
Anyone who has ever taken care of a child knows that you can get kids to do virtually anything if there is a reward involved, but it is crucial to good parenting to make sure that the reward is appropriate.
While junk food and money can occasionally act as rewards in certain situations, positive feedback is often a more appropriate—and certainly healthier and less expensive—reward. Something as simple as a high five or positive encouragement when a child does something right can be all the reward they need.
Offering children rewards can be a great way to help them reach their goals. Create a system to motivate your child in an area where they normally fall short. If they have trouble getting their homework done, for example, offer a special reward for doing all of their homework for two straight weeks without missing an assignment. If they have a messy room, challenge them to keep it clean everyday in order to get a little extra spending money for the weekend.
Try rewarding positive actions with positive activities. Reward good grades or behavior with a trip to the library or park. Not only will this show your children that they have done something worth rewarding, but it will also introduce them to other positive influences—like reading or exercise in this example—without them even realizing it.
The best reward you can give your children is spending time with them. It is important to make time for your children, even with a busy schedule. If you have no free time to spare, still include them in your daily life by asking them to help you with something you have to do like cooking dinner, and make it fun by letting them pick their favorite meal or dessert. These rewards benefit both parent and child.
You also want to send the message that they can have anything they want as long as they work for it. No matter what the reward is, it will seem much more fulfilling if they know they have earned it.
It is unreasonable to offer rewards out of your price range or their maturity level, but you don’t have to say “no” all the time. Instead of denying requests, allow them with a condition. If a child wants dessert, let them have it as long as they have eaten their vegetables. If there is a toy a child has been asking for, get them to put their toys away everyday for a month before buying it for them. Because of the initial reward, eventually these tasks will turn into habits.
Age-appropriate rewarding can apply to older children as well. As a child grows, their “toys” get more and more expensive and sometimes dangerous. It seems like the immediate response to the question “Can I get an ATV?” posed by a 14-year-old would be “no.”
However, there are ways to say “no” without actually saying it. In the case of the ATV, you can compromise by suggesting that your child could get the ATV when he earns enough money to buy it. This eliminates the chance that he will have it before he is legally able to drive it because it will take so long to raise the money. If the child has to earn the money himself, it is more likely that he will reconsider buying the ATV because he knows how much he worked to raise the money. Children appreciate rewards more if they really earn them.
Though rewards shouldn’t be used so often that a child comes to expect one every time they do something they think is acknowledgeable, they are a great way to develop healthy habits for the future, like follow-through, goal-setting and hard work.
Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black belt Parenting “the art of raising your child for success.” Master instructor of Action Karate. For more info call 215.355.5003
Pre-framing is developing a pattern for success as a prerequisite to achieving it. You may not realize it, but you have been pre-framing your children since before they were born. Mothers who take prenatal vitamins, get regular check-ups, and do not smoke or drink during pregnancy do so because they want their child to be healthy. You are pre-framing your child for a healthy life.
Every step of a child’s development—from the first word to college—is pre-framing for the next stage of their life. You teach them good manners and habits early in life so that they can apply them later. They build upon the skills they have learned in school with each progressing grade to improve their intelligence. You lay the framework for the next step. You take advantage of the present to ensure that your child has a successful future.
Think about the choices you have made raising your children. Have you set up a college fund? Did you make sure they went to the best school available? Have you taught them how to say please and thank you? These are all examples of how parents pre-frame their children for success.
Compare pre-framing to building a house. Without a strong foundation, everything built on the house will eventually collapse. But if the foundation is strong, then the structure built on top of it will be secure. This is why it is important to take the learning process in steps, teaching the basics first before moving on.
Pre-framing can be applied to almost any aspect of your child’s life. The earlier you start, the easier it will be for your child to build on what you have given them. Pre-framing your children turns practicing into a good habit. Whether it is martial arts, a musical instrument, a sport or an academic subject, constant practice can only improve your child’s skill.
“You don’t run 26 miles at five minutes a mile on good looks and a secret recipe,” said Frank Shorter, after he won the Gold medal at the 1972 Olympics marathon. In the same way, you can’t expect your child to be good at something the first time he does it, nor can he be made to expect that of himself. You can’t wait for success to fall into your lap. You have to earn tomorrow’s success today.
How can you help your children achieve this? By letting them know that quitting is not an option. If your child makes a commitment, whatever it may be, it is important to make sure he follows through on any goals he has set. Allowing children to bail out early sends the message that it’s okay to give up on a goal. It may set a precedent so that they think they can give up on anything, and that behavior won’t serve them well later in life when they pursue a romantic relationship, educational advancement or a career.
Reminding your child of the goal at every stage of the game is pre-framing and helps keep him motivated. Motivate your children to do the right things now so that their vision of the future becomes a reality. The more preparation, the smoother the sailing when challenges arise.
All this preparing for the future can trap people into forgetting about all of the great things in the present. As each stage of life slowly morphs into the next, don’t forget to recognize the goals and milestones reached. By celebrating the goals your child has reached, he will not only feel good about himself now, but he will also be motivated to continue setting and reaching goals for the rest of his life.
Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black belt Parenting “the art of raising your child for success.” Master instructor of Action Karate. For more info call 215.355.5003
WIN AN OFFICIAL ACTION INVITATIONAL TOURNAMENT MEDAL!!!
Calling all photographers and videographers who are coming to watch the tournament! Your job is to take a great picture and/or video of your favorite tournament competitor. After the tournament, upload your video to youtube and post a link on Action Karate’s official facebook page and/or post your photos to Action Karate’s official facebook page. The pictures with the most “likes” and videos with the most “views” will win an official Action Karate gold, silver, or bronze medal! The contest starts the day of the tournament (10/15/2011) and ends one week later (10/22/2011) at midnight. The winners will be announced Monday October 24!
Don’t take candy from strangers. It’s an age-old adage that you probably heard from your parents and have parroted to your kids. How strange, then, that we should dress them up in costume once a year and send them out into the neighborhood to do just that.
While trick-or-treating is a quintessential part of being a kid, it can be a bit scary for parents. By following a few simple safety rules and sharing them with your children, you can make sure everyone has a fun and safe Halloween.
The first thing to consider is avoiding any accidents, particularly when it comes to your child’s costume. Even though you and your child may be concerned with how the costume looks, you also want to consider how it feels. Choose a comfortable costume that is easy to move around in and is weather appropriate. If you live in a cooler climate try adding layers under the costume, that way it still looks great but your kids stay warm.
Make sure your children’s costumes aren’t too long so that they don’t trip over them. Try to avoid costumes that trail on the ground, like long capes, which can become stuck on branches, decorations, or other costumes. Make sure the costumes are flame-retardant.
Try to choose a costume without a mask or use makeup instead where possible. If the costume does have a mask, make sure they eye holes are large enough for your child to see clearly and that the mouth and nose holes allow him to breathe freely.
If you’re child’s costume is dark, use reflective strips, glow sticks or flashlights to make sure passing traffic can see him. If your child is carrying a prop as part of his costume, make sure it is flexible to avoid injury if your child falls.
Obviously it is easier to keep track of your child’s safety if you are with them, but if your child is old enough to go trick-or-treating without adult supervision you’ll want to make sure you lay down a couple of ground rules.
If your kids trick-or-treat without an adult, make sure they stay with a group. There is safety in numbers. Know where they are going. Map out a general route for where they will be trick-or-treating so you know where they will be. Tell them to stay in well-populated areas, and avoid taking shortcuts through parking lots, backyards, and alley ways.
Generally when a house doesn’t have lights or decorations on outside, they are choosing not to give out candy. Tell your children not to trick-or-treat here because the residents may get annoyed if people keep ringing their bell.
Just because it is Halloween doesn’t mean all rules should go out the window. Make sure your trick-or-treaters follow all the rules they would normally, like not accepting a ride from strangers, staying on the sidewalk, crossing the street at crosswalks, and obeying traffic laws. Children should not go into anyone’s house unless accompanied by an adult.
It’s a good idea to set a curfew for your kids. A general recommendation is to have all trick-or-treating done by nine o’clock. For younger children it may even be a good idea to try to get all the trick-or-treating done while there is still some daylight outside. This leaves the rest of the evening for fun Halloween activities or parties, or just going through the loot to see what treats they’ve collected.
Make sure you go through the candy with your kids. Allow them only to eat factory-wrapped treats, avoid anything homemade unless you know the cook, and keep an eye out for tampering or choking hazards.
Contributed by Solomon Brenner Author of Black Belt Parenting “the art of Raising your child for success”. Master instructor for Action Karate. Master Brenner does a limited amount of speaking for parents and students on achievement
For more info Call Solomon Brenner 215.355.5003 or scan the QR code
“Our son participated in the tournament this past Saturday and we were amazed at the skills he has learned through his Action training. He presented himself in a confident way despite his anxiety about performing, and received two trophies for his performance. We’re thrilled that he learned confidence, presentation skills, and discipline and was rewarded for his achievement. We plan to participate in as many tournaments as possible. Thank You!”
Anne O’Brien- Mother of Connor O’Brien Age 7
Though Halloween, like most holidays, promises fun for all, your approach to this day of tricking and treating should vary depending on the ages of your children. For young children, Halloween might still be too scary. For older children, it may not be exciting enough. It’s important to remember the different needs of different age groups to ensure that everyone has a fun night.
It’s exciting as a parent to watch your child enjoy new experiences, especially when it comes to special occasions or holidays. Even though young children may not be going out trick-or-treating on Halloween, there are lots of ways for them to join in the fun.
Younger children should be taken trick-or-treating in the afternoon for several reasons. Firstly, there are less people out and therefore less of a chance of them being frightened by a scary costume. It allows you to keep a better eye on them since there is less of a crowd and it isn’t quite dark yet. Not only that, it allows other people and cars to see them better, thus avoiding an accident. Also, waiting too long to take young children trick-or-treating might make them cranky since they go to bed at an earlier hour than older children.
When your kids are too young to help you carve the pumpkin, there are still ways to let them participate in this tradition. Let them draw the outline of the face you are going to carve later. Then they can watch as the face they’ve made comes to life. You could avoid the carving altogether and let them paint whatever they want on the pumpkin. This way they create a piece of art that might be too big for the fridge, but fits just right on the front stoop.
Your child might not take too well to Halloween. It is, after all, the spookiest day of the year. He might not understand why his older sister looks like a scary witch or where all the regular kids have gone. If this is the case, you might want to save the trick-or-treating for next year and instead snuggle up with a good movie and a bag of homemade goodies to share.
Older kids take a different approach to the holiday. Halloween is the time of year for them to play practical jokes or tricks on their friends and family, from scaring the wits out of their moms to convincing their little brothers and sisters that they really did grow an extra eye overnight. While most of this is simply fun and games, sometimes the tricks of Halloween can get a little out of hand.
October 30, often known as “mischief night” is infamous for acts of vandalism meant as jokes. It’s important for your kids to know the difference between joking and vandalism, especially when it involves other people’s property. Egging someone’s house may seem like a fun idea to them when it is first proposed, but when an angry neighbor calls mom or dad the kids should be the ones paying the consequences. They need to learn responsibility for their actions, even if they weren’t meant to do anyone harm, and clean any mess they have made or damages they have caused.
There are plenty of other ways to have fun around Halloween. Try organizing an event like a haunted hayride for the night before Halloween to keep your kids out of trouble. If they feel like they have outgrown trick-or-treating, consider having a small Halloween party for them and their friends. Consider some activities like bobbing for apples or a costume contest. This way they are having fun and staying out of trouble.
Contributed by Solomon Brenner Author of Black Belt parenting and Master Instructor of Action Karate. For more info call 215.355.5003 scan the QR code
Competition is a fact of life! In the hands of the right people, with the right attitudes competition can be a positive, character-building experience. It provides one of the best opportunities for children and adults to come in contact with rules and social values. It defines the need to get along well with others and be accepted as part of a team. It plays a prime role in promoting values such as tolerance, fairness and responsibility.
It’s a brand new school year, and with it comes a brand new chance to start fresh and have a successful year. Now is the perfect time to break bad study habits and start developing new ones. The more value you place on your child’s education and the more interest you take in it, the better chance he has of doing better in school.
For children, each school day has it’s own routine, and that structure shouldn’t change once the bell rings at three o’clock. Establishing a regular homework routine will not only help you child get more done, it will also keep him focused and allow for more care-free hours once the work is done.
When you schedule homework time will vary on each child. Some children are more productive right after school, when they are still in work mode. Others benefit from a break or a snack between school and homework. Find out what time works best for your child and make that study time for everyday.
Setting a defined study time not only helps your child be more productive, but it also means that he’ll be able to complete assignments and study in smaller increments, rather than procrastinating and doing everything the night before it is due, or studying entire chapters of material the night before the test. Eliminating procrastination habits now will help him through his schooling in the years to come.
In addition to a defined time, you should also have a defined space in which your child can study. TV, radio, phones, and games can be major distractions, and will end up causing your child to spend longer on the work than he would have if he had been able to work uninterrupted. Having their own space to do schoolwork helps children stay focused.
If your child keeps an assignment book, look it over to make sure he completes everything on the list, especially with younger children. Helping them stay organized means fewer forgotten assignments and more time to study for upcoming tests.
Look over your child’s homework. Know what they’re working on, and ask questions about it. Let them teach you what they learned in school. Stimulating conversation about the material can help a child better retain the information. If they can talk about it, they know it.
Resist the urge to ever give your child the right answer. Ask questions that lead them to the right answer, encourage them to check their own work, but don’t do it for them. No one is going to send them to the gallows for a wrong answer. As long as your child learns from them and corrects them next time, mistakes can be a vital part of education.
Homework can be really frustrating, especially if your child is struggling with certain material. There is no teacher to ask for help or clarification, so it is your job to be there for support. Let your child know he can always ask you for help if he needs it. If your child becomes frustrated to the point that his struggles are counterproductive, suggest he take a break and return to the work later.
Send the message that learning isn’t just for school. Ask questions and exchange ideas around the dinner table or while relaxing in the evening. Always encourage your child’s imagination and creativity, no matter how outlandish some of their ideas might seem to you. Read together or separately. Arrange weekend trips to sites or museums that relate to what they are learning in school. Show by example that learning isn’t just for kids, but is a lifelong process.
Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black belt Parenting. “the art of raising children for success” master instructor of Action Karate
for more information comment here, call 1-888-99-SHARK(74275), or email us actionkarate@comcast.net
Bullying is an increasing problem in today’s society, and as a parent you may have thought about what you might do if your child was ever bullied. But have you ever considered the other alternative? How do you react when your child is the bully?
If someone tells you that your child is a bully or you witness it for yourself, it can come as a huge shock. It is natural to feel like you need to defend him or his behavior, or even get angry that another person would accuse him of bullying.
It is important, however, to stay calm and objective. It is important to look at the facts of the situation and try to understand how to correct it, and getting upset will impede your ability to do so.
If another parent tells you that your child is bullying theirs, they are likely to be upset, which is even more reason for you to keep your cool. Hear them out and try to discuss the issue calmly. Assure them that if your child is behaving like a bully you intend to do something about it.
Don’t lash out at your child, either. It may be a complete misunderstanding. You need to try to understand the situation from the point of view of everyone involved, including your child. Figure out a plan before you address the problem with your child. Hear them out, have an open conversation and don’t jump to conclusions.
The first step once you’ve ascertained that your child is bullying others is, of course, discipline. It’s important not to get angry, but rather stress the reason for the punishment and what he could have done differently.
The punishment will depend on the severity of the bullying, the age of your child, and the situation in which the bullying took place. For example, if your child was sending mean messages to someone online, ban them from using the computer for anything but school for a period of time.
Whatever punishment you deem appropriate for your child, make sure it is consistent and that your child knows what the consequences for future bullying will be. Make it very clear that this behavior will not be tolerated.
There can be any number of underlying reasons that lead your child to bully others. Bullies often have insecurities or low self-esteem and so pick on others to make themselves feel better. Sometimes bullying stems from a lack of social skills. Your child gets upset or angry and doesn’t know another way to handle these emotions. It could be a lack of empathy that leads your child to bully others; he doesn’t think about how his words and actions make others feel, or doesn’t know how to handle people who look, speak, or act different from him.
If it’s insecurity that turns your child into a bully, try helping him find a hobby or activity that he enjoys and excels at. The confidence he gains from this will help him feel better about himself and lessen his need to pick on others.
Talk about alternative behaviors that your child can use instead of bullying. The next time he gets upset or angry because things don’t go his way, encourage him to just walk away rather than reacting aggressively. Praise him when he chooses to avoid confrontation rather than bullying.
If your child picks on someone who is different from him, discuss the ways in which everyone is different, but we all have feelings and deserve to be treated with respect. Ask him how he would feel if he was the one being bullied.
Most of all, create an environment free of aggression and hostility. Don’t allow your children to bully each other at home, and don’t allow destructive criticism. Ask teachers, the school counselor, or the principal for help with dealing with your child’s aggressive behavior.
For more info to avoid all types of Bullies call 1888-99SHARK
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