Anyone who has ever taken care of a child knows that you can get kids to do virtually anything if there is a reward involved, but it is crucial to good parenting to make sure that the reward is appropriate.

While junk food and money can occasionally act as rewards in certain situations, positive feedback is often a more appropriate—and certainly healthier and less expensive—reward. Something as simple as a high five or positive encouragement when a child does something right can be all the reward they need.

Offering children rewards can be a great way to help them reach their goals. Create a system to motivate your child in an area where they normally fall short. If they have trouble getting their homework done, for example, offer a special reward for doing all of their homework for two straight weeks without missing an assignment. If they have a messy room, challenge them to keep it clean everyday in order to get a little extra spending money for the weekend.

Try rewarding positive actions with positive activities. Reward good grades or behavior with a trip to the library or park. Not only will this show your children that they have done something worth rewarding, but it will also introduce them to other positive influences—like reading or exercise in this example—without them even realizing it.

The best reward you can give your children is spending time with them. It is important to make time for your children, even with a busy schedule. If you have no free time to spare, still include them in your daily life by asking them to help you with something you have to do like cooking dinner, and make it fun by letting them pick their favorite meal or dessert. These rewards benefit both parent and child.

You also want to send the message that they can have anything they want as long as they work for it. No matter what the reward is, it will seem much more fulfilling if they know they have earned it.

It is unreasonable to offer rewards out of your price range or their maturity level, but you don’t have to say “no” all the time. Instead of denying requests, allow them with a condition. If a child wants dessert, let them have it as long as they have eaten their vegetables. If there is a toy a child has been asking for, get them to put their toys away everyday for a month before buying it for them. Because of the initial reward, eventually these tasks will turn into habits.

Age-appropriate rewarding can apply to older children as well. As a child grows, their “toys” get more and more expensive and sometimes dangerous. It seems like the immediate response to the question “Can I get an ATV?” posed by a 14-year-old would be “no.”

However, there are ways to say “no” without actually saying it. In the case of the ATV, you can compromise by suggesting that your child could get the ATV when he earns enough money to buy it. This eliminates the chance that he will have it before he is legally able to drive it because it will take so long to raise the money. If the child has to earn the money himself, it is more likely that he will reconsider buying the ATV because he knows how much he worked to raise the money. Children appreciate rewards more if they really earn them.

Though rewards shouldn’t be used so often that a child comes to expect one every time they do something they think is acknowledgeable, they are a great way to develop healthy habits for the future, like follow-through, goal-setting and hard work.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black belt Parenting “the art of raising your child for success.” Master instructor of Action Karate.  For more info call 215.355.5003

Pre-framing is developing a pattern for success as a prerequisite to achieving it. You may not realize it, but you have been pre-framing your children since before they were born. Mothers who take prenatal vitamins, get regular check-ups, and do not smoke or drink during pregnancy do so because they want their child to be healthy. You are pre-framing your child for a healthy life.

Every step of a child’s development—from the first word to college—is pre-framing for the next stage of their life. You teach them good manners and habits early in life so that they can apply them later. They build upon the skills they have learned in school with each progressing grade to improve their intelligence. You lay the framework for the next step. You take advantage of the present to ensure that your child has a successful future.

Think about the choices you have made raising your children. Have you set up a college fund? Did you make sure they went to the best school available? Have you taught them how to say please and thank you? These are all examples of how parents pre-frame their children for success.

Compare pre-framing to building a house. Without a strong foundation, everything built on the house will eventually collapse. But if the foundation is strong, then the structure built on top of it will be secure. This is why it is important to take the learning process in steps, teaching the basics first before moving on.

Pre-framing can be applied to almost any aspect of your child’s life. The earlier you start, the easier it will be for your child to build on what you have given them. Pre-framing your children turns practicing into a good habit. Whether it is martial arts, a musical instrument, a sport or an academic subject, constant practice can only improve your child’s skill.

“You don’t run 26 miles at five minutes a mile on good looks and a secret recipe,” said Frank Shorter, after he won the Gold medal at the 1972 Olympics marathon. In the same way, you can’t expect your child to be good at something the first time he does it, nor can he be made to expect that of himself. You can’t wait for success to fall into your lap. You have to earn tomorrow’s success today.

How can you help your children achieve this? By letting them know that quitting is not an option. If your child makes a commitment, whatever it may be, it is important to make sure he follows through on any goals he has set. Allowing children to bail out early sends the message that it’s okay to give up on a goal. It may set a precedent so that they think they can give up on anything, and that behavior won’t serve them well later in life when they pursue a romantic relationship, educational advancement or a career.

Reminding your child of the goal at every stage of the game is pre-framing and helps keep him motivated. Motivate your children to do the right things now so that their vision of the future becomes a reality. The more preparation, the smoother the sailing when challenges arise.

All this preparing for the future can trap people into forgetting about all of the great things in the present. As each stage of life slowly morphs into the next, don’t forget to recognize the goals and milestones reached. By celebrating the goals your child has reached, he will not only feel good about himself now, but he will also be motivated to continue setting and reaching goals for the rest of his life.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black belt Parenting “the art of raising your child for success.” Master instructor of Action Karate.  For more info call 215.355.5003

It’s a brand new school year, and with it comes a brand new chance to start fresh and have a successful year. Now is the perfect time to break bad study habits and start developing new ones. The more value you place on your child’s education and the more interest you take in it, the better chance he has of doing better in school.

For children, each school day has it’s own routine, and that structure shouldn’t change once the bell rings at three o’clock. Establishing a regular homework routine will not only help you child get more done, it will also keep him focused and allow for more care-free hours once the work is done.

When you schedule homework time will vary on each child. Some children are more productive right after school, when they are still in work mode. Others benefit from a break or a snack between school and homework. Find out what time works best for your child and make that study time for everyday.

Setting a defined study time not only helps your child be more productive, but it also means that he’ll be able to complete assignments and study in smaller increments, rather than procrastinating and doing everything the night before it is due, or studying entire chapters of material the night before the test. Eliminating procrastination habits now will help him through his schooling in the years to come.

In addition to a defined time, you should also have a defined space in which your child can study. TV, radio, phones, and games can be major distractions, and will end up causing your child to spend longer on the work than he would have if he had been able to work uninterrupted. Having their own space to do schoolwork helps children stay focused.

If your child keeps an assignment book, look it over to make sure he completes everything on the list, especially with younger children. Helping them stay organized means fewer forgotten assignments and more time to study for upcoming tests.

Look over your child’s homework. Know what they’re working on, and ask questions about it. Let them teach you what they learned in school. Stimulating conversation about the material can help a child better retain the information. If they can talk about it, they know it.

Resist the urge to ever give your child the right answer. Ask questions that lead them to the right answer, encourage them to check their own work, but don’t do it for them. No one is going to send them to the gallows for a wrong answer. As long as your child learns from them and corrects them next time, mistakes can be a vital part of education.

Homework can be really frustrating, especially if your child is struggling with certain material. There is no teacher to ask for help or clarification, so it is your job to be there for support. Let your child know he can always ask you for help if he needs it. If your child becomes frustrated to the point that his struggles are counterproductive, suggest he take a break and return to the work later.

Send the message that learning isn’t just for school. Ask questions and exchange ideas around the dinner table or while relaxing in the evening. Always encourage your child’s imagination and creativity, no matter how outlandish some of their ideas might seem to you. Read together or separately. Arrange weekend trips to sites or museums that relate to what they are learning in school. Show by example that learning isn’t just for kids, but is a lifelong process.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black belt Parenting. “the art of raising children for success”  master instructor of Action Karate

for more information comment here, call 1-888-99-SHARK(74275), or email us actionkarate@comcast.net

Bullying is an increasing problem in today’s society, and as a parent you may have thought about what you might do if your child was ever bullied. But have you ever considered the other alternative? How do you react when your child is the bully?

If someone tells you that your child is a bully or you witness it for yourself, it can come as a huge shock. It is natural to feel like you need to defend him or his behavior, or even get angry that another person would accuse him of bullying.

It is important, however, to stay calm and objective. It is important to look at the facts of the situation and try to understand how to correct it, and getting upset will impede your ability to do so.

If another parent tells you that your child is bullying theirs, they are likely to be upset, which is even more reason for you to keep your cool. Hear them out and try to discuss the issue calmly. Assure them that if your child is behaving like a bully you intend to do something about it.

Don’t lash out at your child, either. It may be a complete misunderstanding. You need to try to understand the situation from the point of view of everyone involved, including your child. Figure out a plan before you address the problem with your child. Hear them out, have an open conversation and don’t jump to conclusions.

The first step once you’ve ascertained that your child is bullying others is, of course, discipline. It’s important not to get angry, but rather stress the reason for the punishment and what he could have done differently.

The punishment will depend on the severity of the bullying, the age of your child, and the situation in which the bullying took place. For example, if your child was sending mean messages to someone online, ban them from using the computer for anything but school for a period of time.

Whatever punishment you deem appropriate for your child, make sure it is consistent and that your child knows what the consequences for future bullying will be. Make it very clear that this behavior will not be tolerated.

There can be any number of underlying reasons that lead your child to bully others. Bullies often have insecurities or low self-esteem and so pick on others to make themselves feel better. Sometimes bullying stems from a lack of social skills. Your child gets upset or angry and doesn’t know another way to handle these emotions. It could be a lack of empathy that leads your child to bully others; he doesn’t think about how his words and actions make others feel, or doesn’t know how to handle people who look, speak, or act different from him.

If it’s insecurity that turns your child into a bully, try helping him find a hobby or activity that he enjoys and excels at. The confidence he gains from this will help him feel better about himself and lessen his need to pick on others.

Talk about alternative behaviors that your child can use instead of bullying. The next time he gets upset or angry because things don’t go his way, encourage him to just walk away rather than reacting aggressively. Praise him when he chooses to avoid confrontation rather than bullying.

If your child picks on someone who is different from him, discuss the ways in which everyone is different, but we all have feelings and deserve to be treated with respect. Ask him how he would feel if he was the one being bullied.

Most of all, create an environment free of aggression and hostility. Don’t allow your children to bully each other at home, and don’t allow destructive criticism. Ask teachers, the school counselor, or the principal for help with dealing with your child’s aggressive behavior.

For more info to avoid all types of Bullies call 1888-99SHARK

 or visit actionkarate.net