It’s a brand new school year, and with it comes a brand new chance to start fresh and have a successful year. Now is the perfect time to break bad study habits and start developing new ones. The more value you place on your child’s education and the more interest you take in it, the better chance he has of doing better in school.

For children, each school day has it’s own routine, and that structure shouldn’t change once the bell rings at three o’clock. Establishing a regular homework routine will not only help you child get more done, it will also keep him focused and allow for more care-free hours once the work is done.

When you schedule homework time will vary on each child. Some children are more productive right after school, when they are still in work mode. Others benefit from a break or a snack between school and homework. Find out what time works best for your child and make that study time for everyday.

Setting a defined study time not only helps your child be more productive, but it also means that he’ll be able to complete assignments and study in smaller increments, rather than procrastinating and doing everything the night before it is due, or studying entire chapters of material the night before the test. Eliminating procrastination habits now will help him through his schooling in the years to come.

In addition to a defined time, you should also have a defined space in which your child can study. TV, radio, phones, and games can be major distractions, and will end up causing your child to spend longer on the work than he would have if he had been able to work uninterrupted. Having their own space to do schoolwork helps children stay focused.

If your child keeps an assignment book, look it over to make sure he completes everything on the list, especially with younger children. Helping them stay organized means fewer forgotten assignments and more time to study for upcoming tests.

Look over your child’s homework. Know what they’re working on, and ask questions about it. Let them teach you what they learned in school. Stimulating conversation about the material can help a child better retain the information. If they can talk about it, they know it.

Resist the urge to ever give your child the right answer. Ask questions that lead them to the right answer, encourage them to check their own work, but don’t do it for them. No one is going to send them to the gallows for a wrong answer. As long as your child learns from them and corrects them next time, mistakes can be a vital part of education.

Homework can be really frustrating, especially if your child is struggling with certain material. There is no teacher to ask for help or clarification, so it is your job to be there for support. Let your child know he can always ask you for help if he needs it. If your child becomes frustrated to the point that his struggles are counterproductive, suggest he take a break and return to the work later.

Send the message that learning isn’t just for school. Ask questions and exchange ideas around the dinner table or while relaxing in the evening. Always encourage your child’s imagination and creativity, no matter how outlandish some of their ideas might seem to you. Read together or separately. Arrange weekend trips to sites or museums that relate to what they are learning in school. Show by example that learning isn’t just for kids, but is a lifelong process.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner author of Black belt Parenting. “the art of raising children for success”  master instructor of Action Karate

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Bullying is an increasing problem in today’s society, and as a parent you may have thought about what you might do if your child was ever bullied. But have you ever considered the other alternative? How do you react when your child is the bully?

If someone tells you that your child is a bully or you witness it for yourself, it can come as a huge shock. It is natural to feel like you need to defend him or his behavior, or even get angry that another person would accuse him of bullying.

It is important, however, to stay calm and objective. It is important to look at the facts of the situation and try to understand how to correct it, and getting upset will impede your ability to do so.

If another parent tells you that your child is bullying theirs, they are likely to be upset, which is even more reason for you to keep your cool. Hear them out and try to discuss the issue calmly. Assure them that if your child is behaving like a bully you intend to do something about it.

Don’t lash out at your child, either. It may be a complete misunderstanding. You need to try to understand the situation from the point of view of everyone involved, including your child. Figure out a plan before you address the problem with your child. Hear them out, have an open conversation and don’t jump to conclusions.

The first step once you’ve ascertained that your child is bullying others is, of course, discipline. It’s important not to get angry, but rather stress the reason for the punishment and what he could have done differently.

The punishment will depend on the severity of the bullying, the age of your child, and the situation in which the bullying took place. For example, if your child was sending mean messages to someone online, ban them from using the computer for anything but school for a period of time.

Whatever punishment you deem appropriate for your child, make sure it is consistent and that your child knows what the consequences for future bullying will be. Make it very clear that this behavior will not be tolerated.

There can be any number of underlying reasons that lead your child to bully others. Bullies often have insecurities or low self-esteem and so pick on others to make themselves feel better. Sometimes bullying stems from a lack of social skills. Your child gets upset or angry and doesn’t know another way to handle these emotions. It could be a lack of empathy that leads your child to bully others; he doesn’t think about how his words and actions make others feel, or doesn’t know how to handle people who look, speak, or act different from him.

If it’s insecurity that turns your child into a bully, try helping him find a hobby or activity that he enjoys and excels at. The confidence he gains from this will help him feel better about himself and lessen his need to pick on others.

Talk about alternative behaviors that your child can use instead of bullying. The next time he gets upset or angry because things don’t go his way, encourage him to just walk away rather than reacting aggressively. Praise him when he chooses to avoid confrontation rather than bullying.

If your child picks on someone who is different from him, discuss the ways in which everyone is different, but we all have feelings and deserve to be treated with respect. Ask him how he would feel if he was the one being bullied.

Most of all, create an environment free of aggression and hostility. Don’t allow your children to bully each other at home, and don’t allow destructive criticism. Ask teachers, the school counselor, or the principal for help with dealing with your child’s aggressive behavior.

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  Out of the East on an Irish stallion came bounty hunter Dan

His heart quickened and burdened by the need to get his man

He found Pete peacefully fishing by the river

Pulled his gun and got the drop

He said “Pete you think you’ve changed but you have not”

He cocked his pistol pulled the trigger and shouted, “Let it start”

Pete drew a knife from his boot, threw it,

And pierced Dan through the heart

Dan smiled as he lay in his own blood dying in the sun

Whispered in Pete’s ear “We cannot undo these things we’ve done”

You’re Outlaw Pete, You’re Outlaw Pete, can you hear me?

Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

Bruce Springsteen

 

Know matter what you want in life we all want to be successful at it.
However success can be elusive, it requires taking something that some of us run from. I have to remind myself  several times a year with this one.
What is that you may ask?. Maybe this illustration can help.

 
CAUTION: If you take things personally or are easily offended, stop reading now.

Student A and B are both “committed” to earning their Black Belt. Student A and B are very similar, they both have jobs, families and children. Student A gets his classes in every week when promotion time comes he is well equipped to deal with the challenge. Student B is constantly struggling to get classes in because of work, kids, the dog, shopping, dinner, taxes and alien invasion. Student B will tell you ad nauseam how all these things conspire against him and no one has it as difficult as he does.
The real difference between A and B is just RESPOSIBILITY.

If you want greater success in your job, if you want stronger relationships, a healthier body, or a better financial condition, it all boils down to taking MORE responsibility. Relationships do not magically improve; bodies do not automatically get healthier, Black Belts do not appear under your pillow while you sleep, and financial problems do not suddenly disappear. They are the result of the EXTRA responsibility you exerted.

You see … RESPONSIBILITY = CONTROL. The more responsibility you take the more control you have over your career, your finances, your relationships, time, lifestyle, kids, and everything else.

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            Though it may be easy to trust that your children are getting a good education and are being well looked-after while they are at school, you may not have equal presence of mind about what they are eating when lunchtime rolls around. Though some schools have undergone reforms to that respect, some are still offering very unhealthy options in their cafeterias.

            Packing your child’s lunch instead of having them buying at school is one way to avoid them lunching on fried and sugary foods everyday. By packing a lunch, you have control over what they are eating that day. Allow your child a say in what goes into the lunchbox so that they don’t complain that they couldn’t eat it because it wasn’t what they wanted. Let them help you make a peanut butter sandwich or a fruit and yogurt parfait. The food will be more appealing to them simply because they have made it.

            Offer your child two choices for fruit and two choices for vegetable, having him pick one of each. This way he is actively involved in what is going into his lunch but doesn’t feel overwhelmed by choices. The same goes for packing his snack. Offer him a choice of snacks that are low in trans fats and high in antioxidants. Instead of cookies or cupcakes, substitute graham crackers or Fig Newtons. Look for chips and crackers that are baked and not fried.

            While packing a sandwich with deli meats may be a healthier option that French fries and a cheeseburger, there are still some things to look out for. Most processed meats like bologna and hot dogs contain nitrates, which can become carcinogenic when combined with gastric juices in the stomach. For this reason food containing nitrates should be eaten sparingly. When your child does eat food that contains nitrates, pair it with something high in vitamins A, E or C, which can counteract this effect. Instead of packing Lunchables or processed meats, use leftover chicken from dinner to make a sandwich, pita or salad. Another option is to try soy deli meats; if you start them on your kids early, they will never know the difference.

            If your child gets an allowance, offer him the option of buying his lunch once a week. He now has the choice between buying lunch with his own money or keeping the allowance and taking a packed lunch. Even if he does choose to buy his lunch, limiting it to once a week is a step in the right direction.

            Don’t be afraid to speak up if you are unsatisfied with the food options school is offering. The only way to change what is served in the cafeteria is to let the school know it is a problem. If enough parents come together and demand a change in the menu, the school will see that this is a big issue of concern and may do something about it.

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An important part of growing up and maturing is learning how to handle responsibility. Holding your children accountable for things like doing chores around the house, keeping up their grades and making good decisions plays a crucial role in their development into mature young adults.

Kenneth Stillman helped his son Andrew learn about accountability by enrolling him in martial arts training. “Andrew started karate a year and a half ago,” Kenneth said. “Since he joined he is much more responsive when told to do things like cleaning up his room or going to bed.” Karate has helped Andrew learn about taking responsibility for his own actions. He is in control of his training: he gets out only as much as he puts in.

            You can start holding your children accountable for things at a young age by starting with something small, like putting their toys away. By giving your children this small responsibility to start with, you can set them up for greater duties when they are older. It is important that they uphold their responsibilities and know that there are consequences when they do not. This will show your children the importance of doing what is expected of them and not skiving off their responsibilities.

            Children should also be held accountable for their behavior. If a teacher comes to you and tells you that your son has been acting up in class, blaming the teacher will send the wrong message to your child. By blaming the teacher you are teaching your son that he is not accountable for his actions.

            If you’ve set standards for behavior for your children, it is important that they adhere to them. They need to know that you have made rules for a reason and that there will be consequences for not following them.

            This applies especially to rules we make to ensure our children are safe and healthy. If you teach your children that smoking is bad, you expect them to stand up against peer pressure and turn down that offered cigarette. If they don’t, saying that all the other kids were doing it is not an excuse. They should understand that the punishment they might receive is far better than the negative effects smoking will have on their bodies.

            It is a parent’s job to tell their children the ins and outs of life, whether or not their children are actually listening. However, it is important to let your children make some of their own decisions to give them a sense of independence and make them feel like an adult.

This may sometimes mean they make their own mistakes as well, but as long as they are held accountable for their actions, a lesson can be learned from these mistakes. If children do something wrong and nothing happens to them, they have not learned anything except what they can get away with. The purpose of holding your child accountable for their actions is not only to give them a sense of responsibility, but to teach them right from wrong as well.

            Holding your children accountable for the decisions they make can help make them better problem solvers. If they know their actions have consequences they will be more likely to think something through before acting on it. Accountability is about getting them to think things through for themselves and learn about responsibility before they become adults so that they will know how to handle it when they do.

            Above all, teaching your children to be responsible can help them get the most out of life. If your child knows he is responsible for his own success in life, he will put in the work needed to achieve his goals and reach his full potential.

Learn more at

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http://www.amazon.com/Black-Belt-Parenting-Solomon-Brenner/dp/0974630802/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7396940-6424000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173459223&sr=8-1

            Parents can easily let their perfectionist side get the best of them when it comes to their kids. We want our kids to be the best at everything, but while we are busy dreaming of Nobel Prizes, Academy Awards and gold medals, all these expectations can be very stressful for our kids.

            No one is perfect, so what makes us think our kids are? If you teach your kids that they need to be perfect all the time, you and they are only going to be disappointed. Teaching your kids to reach for perfection may seem like a good idea, but it can lead to serious self-esteem issues when they fail to reach those impossible goals.

            Take a look at the “pageant moms” of the world who push their kids to their absolute limit to achieve what they see as success, meanwhile stealing childhood from their kids. Kids need to be kids. If they don’t live their childhood now, they will do it later when they are supposed to be functioning, mature adults.

            Some parents feel that their kids are a second chance for them to accomplish goals they never reached when they were younger. Remember that your children are their own people. They have their own likes and dislikes, which may or may not be similar to your own. It may take years of experimenting with different activities, sports or clubs for your children to figure out what they like to do, but it is important that you let them figure it out for themselves.

            Instead of insisting that your kids be perfect, teach them to aim for their best. No one can do better than their best, so as long as they try their hardest there is no way your kids can let you or themselves down. If you expect your kids to be perfect you will always be able to find something wrong with them. Kids are human and they make mistakes just like everyone else. We shouldn’t be pushing them to extremes to meet our own ends. We should be pushing them to do their absolute best and put their best efforts into everything they do.

            Being too harsh on your kids when they do make mistakes will cause them to keep feelings, thoughts and accomplishments to themselves. They will be afraid of disappointing you and therefore will not share anything with you. To build a healthy relationship with your kids you need to be there for them no matter what mistakes they make. You have the power to be the encouraging voice that enables them to try again. If you support all your children’s endeavors and challenge them to reach for their dreams, not only will they be happier for it, but they will also respect you more for it, too.

Learn more at

www.actionkarate.net and

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Belt-Parenting-Solomon-Brenner/dp/0974630802/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7396940-6424000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173459223&sr=8-1

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Is it okay to let my child quit a sport or activity once they have made a commitment to it?

Children often times don’t understand the benefits of sticking with their commitments. If they had it their way, children would let their emotions dictate every decision. Just because your child is whining and complaining about wanting to quit does not mean you should let them. Though it may seem like the easy thing to do, letting your child quit is showing them that it is okay not to stick with their commitments, a philosophy that will hurt them later in life.

            As a parent you have the foresight to know how an activity can positively affect a child and how sticking to their commitments can help them in the future. Children are only concerned with the here and now, not the bigger picture. It is your job to make sure they do what is best for them, even if they do not want to. If you let them quit anytime something gets too difficult, they will never reach their full potential. Through persistence they may surprise themselves and exceed their own expectations. Making children stick with their commitments will help them become responsible adults.

Learn more at

www.actionkarate.net and

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Belt-Parenting-Solomon-Brenner/dp/0974630802/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7396940-6424000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173459223&sr=8-1

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The Harry Potter craze swept the globe for the last time this summer with the release of the seventh and final installment of J.K. Rowling’s beloved series. Since its July 21 release parents worldwide have witnessed a magical phenomenon in their children—they put down the video game paddle and picked up a book. While this phenomenon may have been short-lived it proved one thing: kids can enjoy reading. All they need is the proper encouragement, a good book and maybe a bargain or two.

            Kids should have literary involvement even before they learn to read. Reading to your children before they go to sleep is a great way to introduce them to their first books. Even though many children would be content to hear the same story night after night, try to switch it up as much as possible, introducing your children to new stories they have never heard. Make reading time more exciting by affecting different voices to each character, or ask you kids to act out the story as you read it aloud.

            As your children start to learn to read, choose some easy follow-along books that they can help you read. Maybe one night you could surprise them by curling up in their bed before they do and asking them to read you a bedtime story. Once your kids have mastered the words in one story, move on to other books. If they start to breeze through the reading, start to gradually upgrade the reading level of the books you choose.

            Grade school-aged children will most likely be less content with reading the same book repeatedly than your toddler is. Keep a wide selection of chapter books on hand. Go to local or school book fairs, or visit the library to buy used books or to let your child pick out some books to borrow. Make sure they are part of the book buying or borrowing process, that way you know they have books they will want to read.

            If your child needs a lot of encouragement to pick up a book, try to start a mini book club with your friends or neighbors and their kids. Reading the same book at the same time can give the kids the motivation they need to not only finish the book, but get excited talking about it also.

            Some kids just don’t like to read. Does this mean that you force the books into their hands? The truth is, you can’t force your child to read, but you can stress the importance and fun of reading. For the nonreader, you could choose books that you know have movie adaptations. Tell your child that if he finishes the book you will have a movie night to watch the story in action. You could also set up a book quota system in which the number of books read per month can add up to points for prizes. Whichever way you choose, never underestimate the magic a good book can bring to your child.

Learn more at

www.actionkarate.net and

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Belt-Parenting-Solomon-Brenner/dp/0974630802/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7396940-6424000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173459223&sr=8-1

Have you ever seen jeans walk on their own, the CDs fly out of the holder or the toys magically scatter themselves all over the floor? Though you may never have witnessed these strange phenomenons, you may swear that they have happened before because you knew that you had asked your children to clean up their things. Whether they ignored the request, they put it off and then forgot about it, or the toys really did come to life, it seems that no matter how many times you ask them to clean up, your kids still leave their stuff lying around the house.

            To teach your children appreciation for the things that they have, set up a box somewhere in your house that you can use to hold items that were not put away properly. Let your family know that anything that goes into the box does not come out until Sunday, when you will distribute the items to their owners. This means that if you find your son’s MP3 player lying on the floor on Wednesday, he is not allowed to use it again until Sunday. Not only will this save you from pointless arguments, but will also amaze you with how quickly your family learns to pick up after themselves. 

Learn more at

www.actionkarate.net and

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Belt-Parenting-Solomon-Brenner/dp/0974630802/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7396940-6424000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173459223&sr=8-1

To some children, teenagers in particular, a nagging parent can be one of the biggest annoyances in their lives. As they mature and start to test their limits, the last thing teenagers want is their parents snooping around asking questions.

However, asking questions is different than nagging or snooping. Trying to find out more about your child by sneaking around behind his or her back can put a wall between you and your child. They may not see the difference, but it is important for you as a parent to ask questions, even the tough ones. You are the parent. It is your job to intrude on their lives and watch everything they do.

Your teenagers may not want to answer you, but they can’t avoid communication if you ask questions. Know who their friends are, where they hang out and what they do. Since teenagers don’t usually volunteer this information, the only way you will know is if you ask. It is natural for your children to want to test their boundaries. It is your job as a parent to stay on top of these boundaries to make sure children don’t overstep the limits you have set.

Learn more at

www.actionkarate.net and

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Belt-Parenting-Solomon-Brenner/dp/0974630802/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7396940-6424000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173459223&sr=8-1