Bullying is an increasing problem in today’s society, and as a parent you may have thought about what you might do if your child was ever bullied. But have you ever considered the other alternative? How do you react when your child is the bully?

If someone tells you that your child is a bully or you witness it for yourself, it can come as a huge shock. It is natural to feel like you need to defend him or his behavior, or even get angry that another person would accuse him of bullying.

It is important, however, to stay calm and objective. It is important to look at the facts of the situation and try to understand how to correct it, and getting upset will impede your ability to do so.

If another parent tells you that your child is bullying theirs, they are likely to be upset, which is even more reason for you to keep your cool. Hear them out and try to discuss the issue calmly. Assure them that if your child is behaving like a bully you intend to do something about it.

Don’t lash out at your child, either. It may be a complete misunderstanding. You need to try to understand the situation from the point of view of everyone involved, including your child. Figure out a plan before you address the problem with your child. Hear them out, have an open conversation and don’t jump to conclusions.

The first step once you’ve ascertained that your child is bullying others is, of course, discipline. It’s important not to get angry, but rather stress the reason for the punishment and what he could have done differently.

The punishment will depend on the severity of the bullying, the age of your child, and the situation in which the bullying took place. For example, if your child was sending mean messages to someone online, ban them from using the computer for anything but school for a period of time.

Whatever punishment you deem appropriate for your child, make sure it is consistent and that your child knows what the consequences for future bullying will be. Make it very clear that this behavior will not be tolerated.

There can be any number of underlying reasons that lead your child to bully others. Bullies often have insecurities or low self-esteem and so pick on others to make themselves feel better. Sometimes bullying stems from a lack of social skills. Your child gets upset or angry and doesn’t know another way to handle these emotions. It could be a lack of empathy that leads your child to bully others; he doesn’t think about how his words and actions make others feel, or doesn’t know how to handle people who look, speak, or act different from him.

If it’s insecurity that turns your child into a bully, try helping him find a hobby or activity that he enjoys and excels at. The confidence he gains from this will help him feel better about himself and lessen his need to pick on others.

Talk about alternative behaviors that your child can use instead of bullying. The next time he gets upset or angry because things don’t go his way, encourage him to just walk away rather than reacting aggressively. Praise him when he chooses to avoid confrontation rather than bullying.

If your child picks on someone who is different from him, discuss the ways in which everyone is different, but we all have feelings and deserve to be treated with respect. Ask him how he would feel if he was the one being bullied.

Most of all, create an environment free of aggression and hostility. Don’t allow your children to bully each other at home, and don’t allow destructive criticism. Ask teachers, the school counselor, or the principal for help with dealing with your child’s aggressive behavior.

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            Though it may be easy to trust that your children are getting a good education and are being well looked-after while they are at school, you may not have equal presence of mind about what they are eating when lunchtime rolls around. Though some schools have undergone reforms to that respect, some are still offering very unhealthy options in their cafeterias.

            Packing your child’s lunch instead of having them buying at school is one way to avoid them lunching on fried and sugary foods everyday. By packing a lunch, you have control over what they are eating that day. Allow your child a say in what goes into the lunchbox so that they don’t complain that they couldn’t eat it because it wasn’t what they wanted. Let them help you make a peanut butter sandwich or a fruit and yogurt parfait. The food will be more appealing to them simply because they have made it.

            Offer your child two choices for fruit and two choices for vegetable, having him pick one of each. This way he is actively involved in what is going into his lunch but doesn’t feel overwhelmed by choices. The same goes for packing his snack. Offer him a choice of snacks that are low in trans fats and high in antioxidants. Instead of cookies or cupcakes, substitute graham crackers or Fig Newtons. Look for chips and crackers that are baked and not fried.

            While packing a sandwich with deli meats may be a healthier option that French fries and a cheeseburger, there are still some things to look out for. Most processed meats like bologna and hot dogs contain nitrates, which can become carcinogenic when combined with gastric juices in the stomach. For this reason food containing nitrates should be eaten sparingly. When your child does eat food that contains nitrates, pair it with something high in vitamins A, E or C, which can counteract this effect. Instead of packing Lunchables or processed meats, use leftover chicken from dinner to make a sandwich, pita or salad. Another option is to try soy deli meats; if you start them on your kids early, they will never know the difference.

            If your child gets an allowance, offer him the option of buying his lunch once a week. He now has the choice between buying lunch with his own money or keeping the allowance and taking a packed lunch. Even if he does choose to buy his lunch, limiting it to once a week is a step in the right direction.

            Don’t be afraid to speak up if you are unsatisfied with the food options school is offering. The only way to change what is served in the cafeteria is to let the school know it is a problem. If enough parents come together and demand a change in the menu, the school will see that this is a big issue of concern and may do something about it.

Learn more at

www.actionkarate.net and

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Belt-Parenting-Solomon-Brenner/dp/0974630802/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7396940-6424000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173459223&sr=8-1

An important part of growing up and maturing is learning how to handle responsibility. Holding your children accountable for things like doing chores around the house, keeping up their grades and making good decisions plays a crucial role in their development into mature young adults.

Kenneth Stillman helped his son Andrew learn about accountability by enrolling him in martial arts training. “Andrew started karate a year and a half ago,” Kenneth said. “Since he joined he is much more responsive when told to do things like cleaning up his room or going to bed.” Karate has helped Andrew learn about taking responsibility for his own actions. He is in control of his training: he gets out only as much as he puts in.

            You can start holding your children accountable for things at a young age by starting with something small, like putting their toys away. By giving your children this small responsibility to start with, you can set them up for greater duties when they are older. It is important that they uphold their responsibilities and know that there are consequences when they do not. This will show your children the importance of doing what is expected of them and not skiving off their responsibilities.

            Children should also be held accountable for their behavior. If a teacher comes to you and tells you that your son has been acting up in class, blaming the teacher will send the wrong message to your child. By blaming the teacher you are teaching your son that he is not accountable for his actions.

            If you’ve set standards for behavior for your children, it is important that they adhere to them. They need to know that you have made rules for a reason and that there will be consequences for not following them.

            This applies especially to rules we make to ensure our children are safe and healthy. If you teach your children that smoking is bad, you expect them to stand up against peer pressure and turn down that offered cigarette. If they don’t, saying that all the other kids were doing it is not an excuse. They should understand that the punishment they might receive is far better than the negative effects smoking will have on their bodies.

            It is a parent’s job to tell their children the ins and outs of life, whether or not their children are actually listening. However, it is important to let your children make some of their own decisions to give them a sense of independence and make them feel like an adult.

This may sometimes mean they make their own mistakes as well, but as long as they are held accountable for their actions, a lesson can be learned from these mistakes. If children do something wrong and nothing happens to them, they have not learned anything except what they can get away with. The purpose of holding your child accountable for their actions is not only to give them a sense of responsibility, but to teach them right from wrong as well.

            Holding your children accountable for the decisions they make can help make them better problem solvers. If they know their actions have consequences they will be more likely to think something through before acting on it. Accountability is about getting them to think things through for themselves and learn about responsibility before they become adults so that they will know how to handle it when they do.

            Above all, teaching your children to be responsible can help them get the most out of life. If your child knows he is responsible for his own success in life, he will put in the work needed to achieve his goals and reach his full potential.

Learn more at

www.actionkarate.net and

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Belt-Parenting-Solomon-Brenner/dp/0974630802/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7396940-6424000?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173459223&sr=8-1